I have never imagined that so many things could happen in one week of time. I have officially been in M.E. for one week. Of all the hard times in my life that I can remember going through this one has been one of the toughest. This week has left me searching for answers . . . searching for a reason . . . searching for God’s will.
Before I go much further – I want to thank all my family, friends, extended support group for you much sought after counsel, advice, and for speaking TRUTH into my life during the past week. When after a couple of days I wanted to give up, you spoke the truth of God’s word which has deeply encouraged me to persevere through these trials.
Two nights ago – I felt like I was surrounded by Satan himself attacking me from every angle. I would read through the Word and feel peace and then something else would happen and I would lay in my bed praying for hours. I don’t think I have spent more time in prayer than I have this week.
For the past several months God has been transforming my world by first removing the things that used to consume it. I never even felt remorse for giving up the American dream and financial security in the new job offer that I had. Now I get to where I am now and through out the week Satan has been speaking non truths into my life making me regret giving up my job, house, and comfortable lifestyle to live in a rats nest in ME.
Without going into too much detail about the very complex situation that I am in right now I can let you know that I will be transitioning back to the states much sooner than imagined. The original plan was to decide which opportunity to pursue long term in this area. One very much reflected my interests in life, professional interests, and allowed time for ministry. The other allowed me to teach in a local school and disciple students. It has been a disappointing week because I had so much hope in the organization that I am working for right now that I would be able to impact the community through various programs while playing a role in a discipleship ministry. Things can be quite a bit more deceptive than ever imagined. My desire is to follow Christ. And from every approach imagineable I can seem to make that fit within this organization and truly live to the standards that Christ calls me too. There has to be a reason why I am here though? So many unexplainable things have happened over the past several months for this to be a waste?
My spiritual life, believes, even the reason I exist has been questioned by so many individuals this past week. I have been conversations with so many believers and unbelievers that it has been very hard. I have had people trying to get me to loosen up and just experience life. I have had people trying to convince me that the God I love and believe in does not exist. I have had people laugh at me when I explain why I am here. I have had people mock me for standing firm for my faith in Christ. Isn’t it crazy that all this exists in the context of that I am 5 miles from the birthplace of Christ himself.
Today I have felt God has reassured me that He is in control. That He is with me despite the evil around me. That He wants to be my source of strength and that life flows from him who lives within me. God wants me to give him control. To surrender every bit of my life – my emotions in anger, frustation, my heart, my mind, etc.
A friend of mine had recommended reading through the book of James. Sometimes when I experience these things I don’t know where to even turn in the Bible. I am glad the HS speaks through other people. The entire of book of James has either convicted me of things or reassured me of things.
James 1:12 – Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
You too be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near.
I am not worthy of having such an amazing creator. God thank you for your guidance even when I want to be in drivers seat, thank you for your provision when I attempt to still do things on my own at times, thank you for your power that trumps all evil in this world and that with it you can accomplish many things through this servant of yours. Thank you for your grace that covered my sinful life.
I know that if you read all the way through this you may be confused. I don’t even know exactly what I just wrote especially when I am not the writing type but it does help me express and process through what is occurring in life right now.
This next week will be even more difficult as I expect to do some transitioning between things. I ask that you pray that God would open up the hearts of individuals buried in a sinful life, that believers would be showed truth what it means to live a life more that of Christ, and that they would be firm in their faith when interacting with the international community present in ME. Pray that God would transform the minds of students across P as this will be my first time actually leading students through classes.
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